The kiss of Betrayal

I often say this," My body is a real jerk!" ( OK truth sometimes I use a more colorful term) but you get the idea. I feel like it betrays me all the time. One moment I am out living life with friends the next I am in bed for a few days in recovery mode. And I am not talking about the kind of recovery you need in collage after a night out with the gang. Not because of to much fried food or drinks and dancing. But because you went to dinner with friends than maybe hit a few stores in the mall. You even used the wheelchair at the store when it was available. This is what I am dealing with today recovery mode because my body is a jerk and has betrayed me. We spent a wonderful weekend with friends in Maine this past weekend. We went out to eat, did a bit of shopping. Sat outside by the campfire and chatted, it was wonderful. I held my friends sweet baby boy and cuddled him close to my chest. All the while my shoulders betrayed me, my back betrayed me. My knees betrayed me. I kept slipping inside to take more pain medication. To just rest for a moment. But deep down inside I wanted to just live with no worry of my body back stabbing me for just living life. I watched all my friends played this popular yard game called Corn-hole. I just wanted to try it out for a whirl so I threw a bean bag and as I tossed it my shoulder rolled into a hard sub-flex. I said Nope my shoulder hates that. You see when you live with a body that betrays you, everything you do is dictated by your body. My heart wanted to play the game with my friends but my shoulder quickly reminded me Hey remember me the jerk you call your body? I won't let you do this! I was 34 when my body started to betray me. 9 years later I still get upset and shocked when there are things my body simply won't let me do. I think the biggest struggle I have is that I forget my body is not the same as the rest of my friends and family. In my mind I just think that game looks so fun. I want to play, engage in the fun and fellowship going on in my friends driveway. But to do, that I suffer the cost of pain and injury to my body. Betray is something we all can relate to. It is a deep hurt by someone you thought had your back. Even Jesus understands what it feels like to be betrayed by a friend. In Luke 22 we read about how Jesus was betrayed by Judas. This was a bitter betrayal, imagine they had just had dinner together. They had shared Passover dinner recalling all God had done for them. Just hours before Jesus arrest Judas had sat with Jesus as a friend even a student learning and growing. And just like that their relationship was broken. Betrayal is something not easy to get over. Jesus understood that this was part of the Fathers plan. Betrayal a bitter kiss from a friend. I relate to this because in a moment my body betrays me. I can be sitting enjoying dinner with friends and the next I have to lay down because my blood pressure drops to fast. Betray is not something you just get over. The phrase forgive and forget is easy on the lips but rough on the heart. Its stings last like a paper cut with lemon juice in it. I do find comfort that Jesus understands my heart. He knows the sting of betray. But my heart can not always lay down its life with the wants and needs of my heart. More often my heart rises up in anger when I feel betrayed. How did Jesus press his lips to Judas cheek in the garden? How did forgiveness come so easy to him? His life was not his own and he had come to peace with that.  Just moments before he said to his Father not your will but mine. I struggle with that, I want my will, my way. I want my body to work the way I want it to. But it is in control much like the Fathers will for Jesus. Being betrayed by your body means losing control of what you want. I find comfort that even Jesus wrestled with this truth. He plead with his Father to find a different way.  Matthew 26: 39 says   And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will. 
I find myself saying the same prayer almost daily. Lord if it is your will heal me. let this cup pass from me. But God if you can gain glory from my life I will kiss the betrayal of my body on the cheek. Maybe not with as much as Grace as Jesus but with the same heart. One that only wants your will for my life.