The phrase rises like a phoenix from the ashes is based on a story that goes back thousands of years. But what if life just keeps heaping ashes on your head? How do you rise from a life filled with ashes? In Biblical times, mourners would cover themselves in ashes as a symbol of their grief. The term "ashes" is often used to signify worthlessness, insignificance. Being chronically ill can leave you feeling just like that, a worthless insignificant person. Caught in an endless cycle of treading water in the bottomless pit of sickness and symptoms. side effects of medications and treatments and just one more test. It can often feel like you are trying to, just get enough air into your lungs, to keep struggling, to get the next breath. Terms like tomorrow is another days,it will get better cut like a knife against a heart that is in mourning. Grief is a subject many of those dealing with a diagnosis live with. I find my mind often drifts to what was and what-ifs. Which all comes crashing down on me like a dump-truck full of gravel. I remember the life I had before. Before the struggle to breathe, the struggle to move, the struggle to relax. The struggle to not feel worthless insignificant ever moment of every day. Grief is just an expression of love. I love who I use to be. Before I had to worry if my shoulder was going to roll out when I pick up my beautiful niece, or if my back was going to lock up from walking with the fussy nephew in church. All the pressure makes me want to sit on the floor and cover myself in ashes. When I am alone in the middle of my burned up, used-up life. When I find myself alone, covered in the ashes of life, there is one thing that will always lift my spirit out of unbelief and despair. Praise and worship as loud as I can, drowning out any other thought or sound. I sing if I am able, other times I just sit in the dark with him. Let the sounds of his heart penetrate into the darkness within me. It is only the presence of Jesus that can dust off the ashes that have engulfed me. At that moment he is the air I breathe, the sun that warms my face, the spark that starts a fire within. The song Raise a hallelujah by Bethel worship is my current favorite for lifting my heart from the dust. Songwriters: Jonathan David Helser / Melissa Helser / Molly Skaggs / Jake Stevens lyrics spoke so strongly to me this morning in the shower I stood in worship interceding for many loved ones who are in a dust storm right now. Sickness of all kinds, broken marriages, addiction. The more I sang these words I realized the key to rising from the ashes is not a miracle cure. It is living life free of grief. But rather our response. Laying down in a pile of ashes is a part of the human life experience. Feeling sad or angry or even like giving up is only human. It does not always mean you have lost hope. Sometimes it just means you need someone to help you rise from the ashes. I am so thankful for a God who cares for me. Who will lift me into his arms even when I am covered in ashes? Picture him now leaning into your ear Sing a little louder, Sing a little louder and you respond
I'm gonna sing, in the middle of the storm
Louder and louder, you're gonna hear my praises roar
Up from the ashes, hope will arise
Death is defeated, the King is alive!
https://youtu.be/G2XtRuPfaAU
Songwriters: Jonathan David Helser / Melissa Helser / Molly Skaggs / Jake Stevens
Raise a Hallelujah lyrics © Bethel Music Publishing
